As a woman we all have dreams and if your anything like me your in love with the fairytale fantasy of falling in love. Believing that one day your prince charming will come and sweep you away. But the moral of the story is things don't happen like that in our present society today. There are way too many young ladies and women who seem to think that having a man either defines who they are or should make them feel better about who they are. So they get involved in these temporary commitments of situationships and settle for whatever that man is willing to do and give to them that they begin to lose many pieces of themselves and who they were before a man came along. As a young lady constantly growing and evolving from a young age we are taught that you have to get be married to live with a man and that having sex before marriage is wrong or having a baby before then is a sin. Well, they taught us wrong the truth is without rules how would you know if something is good or bad for you unless you had your own experiences that taught you so. Everything that you see and hear is just perspectives that everyone else has come to grips with but not really what you feel or truly believe. Before you even thought of the idea of wanting to have a man or wanting to get married and have a big spontaneous wedding the idea had to be placed into your head that this is how it should be. but as time goes on you start to see that it is not all that people claim for it to be. Your eyes bare witness to the current past and present situations that have shown you a story of how things end up turning out to be good or bad.
Ladies the truth is we all have a desire and want to be chosen by a man because to us this makes us feel special happy to know that we are wanted and valued. But the problem is we put a discount price on how much we feel we’re worth and give everything away to a man emotionally, physically, spiritually that we become exhausted and drained. We unwillingly give our bodies away through sex and this connects us to the person and creates the soul ties of which we often fight the hardest to get rid of. Each time we decide to give ourselves away to a man who does not appreciate, respect or care about us the way we think he should we are now showing how much we don't value who we are. What we fail to realize is that each time we do this and it happens we lose more and more of ourselves and this makes it ten times harder for us to restore ourselves and make our healing process longer. I want to tell you that the need and desires to have a man also come along with you dealing with your real desires for why you want a man and how it makes you feel if you do or don't have one. Most of the time when we crave something that we don’t have it’s because we grew up without it or something within our homes was broken and we seek people and things to give to us the things we desire. Reality is you are the missing piece to your puzzle everything you experience and feel is showing you what you need to bring to the light and heal.
There is a quote by… and it states “Until you handle it with grace it will stay in your face.” When you reflect on every situation you’ve encountered did you learn from it or did you run away from it? If I were to use myself as an example I am very guilty of all that I’m writing about I have always been the girl that constantly got overlooked and it never made sense to me why out of all my friends I would always be the single one. I doubted myself thinking that something was wrong with me. I was told I wasn't pretty enough, too dark, no sense of humor, ignored, used for sex, money, etc. Ever been someones stepping stool you think your in love the person distances themself from you only to find out on social media they marry someone else. In two cases this has happened to me not to mention a guy who leads you on for two years and then writes you a list of reasons why your not good enough for him or tells you were not going to be together but all he wants is sex. A man walking away from you and not fighting for you and never speaking to you after giving all of myself to him and more. Heartbreak after heartbreak and only to find out that each of these situations that I kept encountering kept showing back up in my face because I did not fix the problem. My problem was I was so eager and wanted to be in a relationship so bad I did not care or respect myself enough to place boundaries or limits for my own needs that I was willing to do whatever for whoever and forget about my own needs and desires For the longest all I've ever wanted was to be in a happy healthy relationship with someone who was equally connected and could accept me naked for who I was.
I struggled for a long time but I also came to grips of where the root of my issue stemmed from. I have daddy abandonment issues he wasn't there to show me the real meaning of a mans love so every guy who came around I was looking for him to love, support and embrace me how most fathers should be able to show love care to there daughters so I was unclear of what that felt like and looked like. My stepdad who I call my dad raised me took care of me and I have nothing but love and respect for him. However, it’s something about the bloodline of the person who helped create you and their presence is unknown to you deep down eventually the truth will come out and answers will be sought out. Since 2018- 2019 I had made up my mind that I wanted to heal myself and change for the better and I did just that. I started listening to videos talking to God and releasing all that I felt from within that was bottled in. Once the end of 2019 came I made up in my mind that I was going to sit down with my father and have a mature conversation about how I've been feeling and how him not being present affected me personally and in the dating world. After being honest expressing and letting things off my chest I was able to close being hurt by men chapter and no longer give pieces of myself away. I am better and still in the growing and healing process but my taste in the level of men has changed and I don't feel like I have to give so much of myself away and not get my own needs and wants to be met.
Alot of us have an idea in our heads or how we feel both women and men should treat each other. However when it comes to a man we don’t really know or have had real examples of how we should be treated and how the role of the man should be played in our life. If more men and fathers would set standards and be more present in there daughters lives setting the standard for how they should be treated and feel then less women will deal with issues wanting to be accepted by man in their adult lives.
You have to heal yourself from within and place your value on who you are how you choose to spend your time and what you give your energy to. Women we are powerful and once we learn to control our emotions everything else within us will follow. Don’t settle for less when you deserve the best don’t rush into things to fast or based things off of other people's decisions or advice follow your own heart and mind your spirit will lead you to what's right it’s called your female intuition its always right. Your future soul mate is coming but while you wait for his arrival heal yourself and trust the waiting process sometimes things are delayed because we a not ready yet so just have patience.
Advice tips for not giving pieces away to a man and taking better care of yourself
Put yourself first #1 priority
Spend time alone and getting to know yourself
Journal feelings and experiences
Become more in tune with your spirit & intuition
Have self-control say no and set boundaries for yourself
Heal from childhood trauma and past relationships
Be more vocal and straight forward with what you want and need from men
I hope that you take something from this blog post and know that your not alone. Heal yourself and proceed with dating men without giving to much of yourself away. Feel free to leave comments like share and leave suggested blog topics you would like to be talked about.