Updated: Dec 8, 2020
Before you read this I want you to understand not everyone will agree And for some of you it will hit home. But also this is sensitive content so be sure to have a journal, pen, paper and some tissue. This is my truth and if you are like me I know this post will help a lot of you heal
and unravel the common issues of things you deal with when trying to find love in relationships. If anything touches you be sure to like comment, follow and engage with me on Instagram @mzambitiouss @ambitioussbrand!
When I was younger I use to always wonder why parents had favorites. Sometimes I would even ask myself why I wasn’t my daddies favorite and why at certain points in my life he chose to not be present. So as I got older this thought became a feeling and no matter what I did or said I kept attracting guys who resembled the absence and feelings that my father left with me. Those feelings were am I good enough to be loved, will anyone ever love me, abandonment and the constant need of feeling like anything I do will never be good enough. Each time I tried to date someone new they all left me scared with the same scars that my father left with me from a young age. I always felt like it was my fault and that anytime something went wrong it was me. Blaming myself but never really seeing the truth in where the root of it all came from.
As every Young girl is born and grows up all she ever wants is the love of both of her parents. Someday hopes to find true love with a man of her own. Along the way often times we meet people in our life who remind us of those common traumas and hurts that we've experienced in our childhood. Without knowing how to properly identify the root we become attached to people because it draws us back to a sense of comfort. Being a young lady who has not had a father present in life often times we are drawn to guys who make us feel comfortable and remind us of our fathers. This is the common reason you see so many young women who are in relationships that are broken because they themselves and there partner are still broken. Often times we're looking for a guy to play the savior role in our lives and take away the pain we feel from our fathers not being present in our lives. So it becomes hard for us to find love because we keep running into the same issue of dealing with guys who mistreat us or use us because they sense the vulnerability and brokenness that we are carrying within us.
I grew up knowing who my biological father was but never really had the real experience of having his love or knowing what it felt like to be his favorite or bond with him. All of my childhood the times he was around the only feeling I remember having was not feeling like I was good enough and constantly not being chosen. These same feelings followed me and has stuck with me into my adulthood. Every time I would find myself talking to a guy I was constantly reminded of how much I wasn't good enough and that someone else had something that was better than me. I was always an option and never a priority. Each time I did not do what they wanted me to do my punishment was they went ghost on me without any explanation leaving me with no option but to blame myself again. These guys all had one thing in common they mirrored to me the unhealed traumas that I still needed to fix within myself. I didn't realize how important facing your own demons and revealing your own mask were until I started living life and went away for college. My mother kept telling me that I needed to have a conversation with my dad to set myself free and let him know my truth of how I felt. After years and years have passed I had not spoken to him until the beginning of this year. I started my healing journey at the end on 2019 and going into 2020 I told myself that I would face my fears and have the conversation I had been afraid of having. I had the talk with him and afterwards I felt 10 times lighter and some of the guys I still had certain tides with I was not tide to them as much. I started to slowly reclaim and gain my self-worth back the things and ways they could get to me they were no longer to bother me. I realized that once I was becoming healed the old part of me that was broken no longer wanted to deal with broken people and that not only was tied to relationships it was with my friendships and family ties as well.
It was no surprise to me that ever guy I talked to all looked similar to my father and had certain characteristics that resemble him. They don’t lie when they say you attract the parts and Pieces of you that need to be healed in life. Until you clear out what you feel and childhood issues and face your own demons you will continue to attract the same people and lessons. Don‘t get so caught up in your feelings that you don’t pay attention to the history of what and where that feeling is coming from. Everything we feel is connected back to the root of something. It is your job to find the root of it heal it so you can break the generational ties that come with it. Although my father was not present like I wanted him to be everything I went through help form me into the woman I’ve grown to be. Most of us have gone from being little girls to a bigger version of a little girl. Screaming for the attention of love we wanted from our fathers but we end up attracting things worst than our fathers because of desperation and need to crave the wrong attention.
The relationship that I desired with my dad that I still did not get from him I ended up getting it with my step dad. My step dad is the man who came into my life and showed me the love, support and care that every daughter desires and wants from her father. He did not mistreat me or make me feel like I was not important. He stood in the gap with my mother and they are the real example of what true love of parents mean but the reason I have become the young woman that I am now. Being a father is more than calling yourself a man and the title. It is the example of what you teach and show your daughter the standard of what she should and should not accept. If I don’t see you treating me and showing me how I’m supposed to be loved. How will I ever know how to identify the man that’s worth my time from the one who wants to waist my time. I don’t hate you but yes I do blame you for a lot of the heartache and lessons I had to go through. As I’m writing this I know just like me there are plenty of other young girls/women who have or had daddy issues like me. Your constantly going from relationship to relationship or friendships of trying to fill voids of wanting to be loved or validated. Wondering why nothing seems to ever work. But truth is you won’t feel loved it will only create a deeper womb of something you will eventually have to heal.
If you don’t have your father in your life and you find yourself struggling with allowing the right man to choose you. I will advise you one to chose yourself first. Secondly be okay with accepting the fact that your father may not be all the way honest about the role he should have played in your life. Third understand that often times people only know how to be to others what there parents have shown and taught them. Fourth you can only change the present not the past. Fifth you have every right to acknowledge your feelings express what you feel address it and forgive them so you can set yourself free. Sixth you are not the only one who has daddy issues Someone like you feels just like you feel and wants to speak about it but afraid to use there voice to say it. You are not only and be glad you’ve come to a stage in life where you want to heal and do better for you!
I am not the hurt that my dad left me scared with. You are and deserve love and are more than enough for every guy that left you high and dry be glad. They could not handle you at your worst so they really can’t handle you at your complete healed best! No matter how much we all try to hide behind social media at the end of the day we need to help heal each other. I write content to help empower those that need it. each content is written from personal experiences this is only a fraction of my truth! I am here to change and make impact and it starts with you all. Like, comment, share let me know if this relates to you.